The Admonishments of Kherishdar
M.C.A. Hogarth

SELFISHNESS

meqet [ meh KEHT ], (noun) — duty; in particular, one's duty to the easily overlooked, without whom one would never be what one is: family, society, those who came before you. The saying "standing on the shoulders of giants" is a perfect illustration of meqet.

      When my spouse left me at Shame's shrine, I expected Correction. What else? My only uncertainty was what form it would take. I was mulling the possibilities when the Guardians escorted me to...
      ...a table, set for two, in the flowered courtyard.
      Bewildered, I allowed the Guardians to seat me. I watched as Shame poured wine for us both. We were served a light soup.
      "This is it?" I said. "I thought...."
      "Thought what?" he asked.
      "That you would march children in front of me."
      "Would that have worked?"
      "No," I admitted.
      "Then you know why I have not done it," he said.
      I put my spoon down. "I am here because I refuse to have a family."
      "Yes," Shame agreed.
      "It is a heinous selfishness," I continued.
      "So it is," Shame said.
      "Then... why are we sitting here?" I asked. Maintaining this polite masquerade... I couldn't do it. "Correct me!"
      Shame took a sip of his glass and said, "I can't."
      "But why??"
      He smiled, a little sadly I thought. "Because I don't want children either." As I gaped at him, he continued, "so I hardly have any moral authority in the matter."
      "You... don't want a family either?" I asked, stunned.
      "No," Shame said. "I am comfortable alone. I don't know how I'd fit my life around a family." He studied the sun on the wine, tilting the glass. "The Emperor worries, but he hasn't pushed. He may one day."
      "What will you do then?" I asked, fascinated.
      His mouth turned up at one corner. "I will find a wife at the Summer Tryst. I pray I'll have the humility to do so with grace, and not be much of a trial to her."
      "You... don't think you'll find love?" I asked, because at very least I loved my mate.
      "Nothing in this life is certain," he answered.
      "Then... why?" I asked, wondering.
      "Because society has given me much, and I have done all that I desired to do with my life. But a life spent fulfilling one's desires does not temper a soul." Another of those faint smiles. "That, I know by the work of my hands." He refilled my glass, though I had hardly touched it. "I don't know what kind of parent I'll make. And I have no extended family to help offset my... idiosyncracies. But I will try."
      "Have..." I trailed off, wide-eyed. "Have you ever told anyone this?"
      "No," he said. He smiled. "But most people know Shame. You are having lunch with Kor. And so I must ask... is the soup poor? You've barely touched it."
      "The soup is fine!" I exclaimed, startled. I picked up my spoon. "Although I don't have fruit soups often. What's in it?"
      And so we talked, he and I, and it was no Correction all... but as he said, a meal between Ai-Naidar. That night while I lay alongside my mate, I thought of the look in his eyes. There had been fear there... fears, just like mine.
      He had shared his name with me.
      Maybe...
      One day...


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© 2007, M. C. A. Hogarth